by Pinoy Abrod Editors
April 21, 2022
News: Duterte: Vote buying cannot be controlled
Ooops: It’s easy to see which presidential candidate will buy the way to Malacanang
News: FB warns Esperon over post; DILG hits social media giant for ‘alarming’ move
Ooops: Red-tagging karma?!
News1: Comelec dismisses last petition vs Marcos run
Ooops: We have a winner?!
News2: Comelec dismisses last petition vs Marcos run
Ooops: Tax evasion is not a crime, according to the Comelec
News: Uniteam to continue Duterte projects – senatorial candidate Harry Roque
Ooops: Drug war, EJKs, red-tagging, cronyism, selling-out of West Philippine Sea?
News: FB warning on Esperon post claiming communist infiltration of Congress offends DILG
Ooops: Do we hear the red-tagging of Facebook by government trolls?
News: DILG takes offense at US State Department report on impunity of PH state forces
Ooops: Let’s hear it from the International Criminal Court
News: Duterte vows to take up cudgels for police even after retirement
Ooops: Would he be allowed to do that from the Hague in the Netherlands?
News: UK PM Johnson says Ukraine peace talks are doomed because of ‘crocodile’ Putin
Ooops: Before “crocodiles”, there were “vultures”, “united snakes”, “pitbulls”, etc, name it!
News: ‘Worse to be gay than corrupt’ in Venezuela’s military
Ooops: It’s easier to be corrupt than straight in the Philippine military
Quote of the Day: Guanzon: Why Would I Ask Gonzales to Withdraw If He Cannot Even Get It Up?!
(Former Comelec Commissioner Rowena Guanzon reacting to claims she asked presidential contender Norberto Gonzales to withdraw from the presidential race)
Ooops: Erection problems, according to the Japanese!
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NEWS: Bongbong insists Jessica Soho is ‘biased’
Challenge: Name one person on earth who isn’t BIAS or has no biases – you will 1 ton of GOLD!
NEWS: If elected, Marcos to allow ICC team in PH—but only as tourists, not probers
Since when have Duterte, Bato dela Rosa, and others indicted by the ICC for mass murders and crimes against humanity been TOURIST ATTRACTIONS?!
NEWS: Duterte to name ‘most corrupt’ presidential bet before May 9 polls
The POT is readying to call the KETTLE black!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRESIDENT DUTERTE!
“By the way, may lumabas nga palang research – nakakaliit daw ng ari ng lalaki ang pollution.”
Dear Mr. President,
Uy! Birthday mo pala today, March 28. Pero sa Twitter at Facebook, March 27 pa lang, trending na ang hashtag na #DutertePalpak. Ang sama. ’Di ka man lang pinagbigyan. Pwede namang on the day itself ‘di ba? Bakit ang aga ng posts?
Kaninang umaga, trending din ang #DuterteAngHulingKaarawan sa Twitter. That hashtag was way out of line! It’s so mean. Hindi dapat nagwi-wish ng masama sa kapwa kahit gaano pa ito kawalanghiya, kabalahura, kawalang-silbi o katraydor sa bayan.
Seventy-six years old ka na pala. Bata pa. I’m sure, magtatagal ka pa sa mundo. Alam mo naman siguro ang kasabihan tungkol sa masamang damo ‘di ba? I’m not saying na masamang damo ka. Sinasabi ko lang na may gano’ng paniniwala ang mga Pinoy.
Mahigit isang taon na ang lockdown sa Pilipinas. ‘Yung ibang bansa, bakuna na ang usapan, pero dito, parang back to square one na naman. Pero hindi ako mag-a-attempt na magmarunong o payuhan ka. Hindi ako retired general.
ECQ pala ulit. Syet. Marami na naman ang mai-stress. So, pa’no ‘yan? Magtatambak na naman ba ng dolomite ang DENR sa Manila Bay para gumaan ang pakiramdam ng mga Filipino?
One week lang naman pala ang ECQ. By April 5, pwede na ulit maglamyerda si Harry Roque. He deserves a break. Ang hirap kaya ng trabaho niya. Ipahiya mo ba naman ang sarili mo araw-araw, paanong ‘di ka mapapagod? No wonder, he got infected. He tested positive for toxicity.
Sana hindi na ma-extend ang lockdown. Inaalala ko kasi ang mga walang pagkukunan ng ayuda. Saan sila tatakbo? ‘Buti pa nga ‘yong anak mo, alam na ang tatakbuhan.
Halos sampung libo na naman ang COVID19 cases sa iba’t ibang lugar sa Pilipinas. To be fair, mas kokonti ‘yan kumpara sa dami ng nagkalat na Run Sara Run tarpaulins! #justsaying
Sorry, lumalayo na ako. Balik tayo sa birthday mo. Nakita ko ang press release ng iyong alalay. Sa picture, lumang shirt at shorts lang ang suot mo. Nagbu-blow ka ng candle na nakatusok sa isang cup of rice. Grabe! Kung napaaga lang sana, baka nagka-Oscars nomination ka. Ang galing! Muntik na naming malimutang marami kang accounts sa BPI.
By the way, may lumabas nga palang research: nakakaliit daw ng ari ng lalaki ang pollution. I’m sure, hindi ka worried sa news na ito kasi the biggest dicks are in your government.
Happy birthday, Mr. President!
(from The Professional Heckler, March 28, 2021)
THE STORY OF CHRISTMAS (As told by political figures)
Harry Roque: So ‘yun na nga ang nangyari, kahit alam ni Jose na kabuwanan na ni Maria, bumiyahe pa rin sila papuntang Betlehem. Mga pasaway!
HERE is the Nativity story as narrated by political personalities.
Tito Sotto: Mahigit 2000 years na ang nakararaan, sa bayan ng Nazareth, may isang babaeng na-ano lang.
Cynthia Villar: Ang pangalan niya ay Maria at siya ay may asawa – si Jose na isa lang karpintero.
Manny Pacquiao: Nang malamang buntis si Maria at hindi siya ang ama, gusto sana siyang i-divorce ni Jose. Pero bawal ‘yun sa Bible. Kasalanan kay Lord ang divorce. Matthew 19:6: Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.
Alan Peter Cayetano: Noong time na ‘yun, ipinag-utos ng emperor ang census sa Roman Empire. Taga-Betlehem si Jose kaya dapat doon siya magpalista. Sa First District si Maria ‘tapos sa Second District si Jose. Pwede ‘yon.
Harry Roque: So ‘yun na nga ang nangyari, kahit alam ni Jose na kabuwanan na ni Maria, bumiyahe pa rin sila papuntang Betlehem. Mga pasaway! Matitigas ang ulo! ‘Tapos ‘pag may nangyari, sisisihin n’yo ang gobyerno.
MMDA’s Celine Pialago: Mahaba-haba rin ang nilakbay ng dalawa. Pagod na pagod ang mag-asawa lalo na si Maria. Pagdating sa Betlehem, she passed away.
Risa Hontiveros: She actually passed out* – dahil nag-labor na nga siya. Walang matuluyan ang mag-asawa kaya inabot ng panganganak si Maria sa isang kuwadra. Kung may RH Law lang sana nang time na ‘yon, baka naisugod pa sa mas maayos na ospital si Maria.
Bato de la Rosa: Samantala, kahit gabing-gabi na, nasa labas pa rin ang mga pastol. Mga adik!
PNP Chief Debold Sinas: Maya-maya, biglang nagpakita ang mga anghel at sinabi sa kanila ang magandang balita. Isinilang na si Hesus, our Savior. Natuwa ang mga pastol. Sila ay nag-inuman, nagsayawan at nag-videoke. In short, nag-party!
Imelda Marcos: Samantala, sa tulong ng liwanag ng tala ay naglakbay mula Silangan ang tatlong pantas. Nag-alay sila kay Hesus ng damit, kamanyang, at mira.
Vice President Leni Robredo: Correction lang po, ‘ginto’ po at hindi ‘damit’ ang isa sa mga alay ng tatlong pantas. Saan po kaya napunta ang ginto? Ninakaw na naman po ba?
Ka-DDS: ‘Buti pa ang mga pantas, may regalo. ‘Yung mga pastol na dumalaw, ano bang ambag n’yo?
Netizens: Habang ang buong mundo ay nagsasaya sa pagsilang ni Hesus, wala pa ring reaksyon si Herodes. Tulog pa pala ito. #NasaanSiHerodes
Rodrigo Duterte: Nang magising, nakarating kay Herodes ang balita tungkol sa kapanganakan ni Hesus. Hindi niya ito ikinatuwa. Pakiramdam niya, makikipag-kompetensya sa kanya si Hesus. Gusto lang nitong magpasikat. Kaya’t inutusan niya ang kanyang mga tauhan na patayin lahat nang batang lalaki dalawang taon pababa. Sabi ni Herodes, “’Pag nanlaban, shoot them dead. ‘Wag n’yong intindihin ‘yang human rights. Ako ang bahala sa inyo.”
Trillanes: Pero nabigyan pala ng babala ng isang anghel si Jose. Itinakas nito ang kanyang mag-ina papuntang Ehipto kung saan sila nag-file ng reklamo sa International Criminal Court laban sa brutal na hari.
Postscript: ‘Di nagtagal, namatay si Herodes. Binalak ni Jose na bumalik sa Betlehem kasama ang pamilya. Pero ‘di rin ito natuloy dahil nabalitaan niyang anak pala ni Herodes ang pumalit sa kanya. Sa gitna ng patuloy na banta at panganib, nagpasya na lang silang manirahan sa Galilee.
Where they lived happily and peacefully until… ma-EJK ang aktibistang si Hesus sa edad na 33.
The End. (from the ProfessionalHeckler.com)
-o0o-
“It’s hilarious how the same people who are responsible for putting Duterte in power in 2016 are now pushing for a ‘revolutionary government’ under Duterte again.
Hoy, kapag sinabing ‘rebolusyon’ may radikal na binago! Hindi same rotten leadership na sinusumpa ng taong-bayan! It is obvious that this is just a scheme to prolong the hegemony of Duterte and his allies, not to bring change in favor of the people.”
–The Political Animal (a FB pseudonym) reacting to the putting up of a so-called “revolutionary government” headed by Duterte
“Pro-Marcos and pro-Duterte counterrevolutionaries are using the word revolution in vain. They wish to put up a counterrevolutionary government headed by the vilest counterrevolutionary of today, Duterte.
–Jose Ma. Sison on Twitter reacting to a news report that pro-Duterte elements have convened a meeting to plan for putting up a “revolutionary government.” (August 22, 2020)
*A British doctor says: “In Britain, medicine is so advanced, that we cut off a man’s liver and put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job.”
The German doctor says: “That’s nothing, in Germany, we took a part of the brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks, he is looking for a job.”
The Russian doctor says: “Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another’s chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for a job.”
The Filipino doctor laughs: “Everybody thinks we are behind in the Philippines. Listen, a few years ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart and no liver and made him President. Now, the whole country is looking for a job!”
“Term limits created political dynasties” – House Speaker Cayetano
“Insatiable greed for power created political dynasties” – Ooops!!!
“Hindi nga siguro natutulog sa pansitan ang Kongreso. Ang tama: karamihan sa kanila ay sunud-sunuran lang sa kapritso ng Pangulong batugan at tinutulugan lang ang sandamakmak na problema ng bayan,” De Lima noted.
(Maybe Congress really did not sleep on its job. The correct term: a lot of them blindly follow a lazy presidents who sleeps on the numerous problems of the country.)
-Sen. Leila De Lima, on Congress’ laxity on pressing issues
Duterte’s closure of ABS-CBN does not mean the end of oligarchy but the end of a broadcast network that allows criticism of the crimes of his regime. It is mainly and essentially an attack on the freedom of the press and advancement of his fascist agenda and his own cabal of oligarchs who are the worst oppressors and exploiters of the people.
– Joma Sison, NDFP Chief Political Consultant ,14 July 2020
“We cannot allow our country, a cradle of democracy, to fully become a pathocracy ruled by a psychopathic leader…Let the reckoning begin now,”
-Senator Leila De Lima, in a statement read for her during an online protest dubbed #SONAgkaisa on July 17
“Sa mga kasamahan kong artistang di nagsasalita, ano? May network pa ba kayo? Wala na! Wala na kayong network, kahit magpa-cute kayo diyan sa IG, mag-send kayo ng mga sad face, hindi niyo nadadamayan ang mga katrabaho niyo na dahilan kung bakit kyo sumikat. Kapag hindi tayo nagsalita ibig sabihin kinampihan natin ang mali”
– actor Angel Locsin, 18 July 2020 at the simultaneous nationwide noise barrage for ABS-CBN
“Hindi papel ng kongreso ang pagtatakda kung ano at paano ang gagawing pag-uulat at pagbabalita ng mga mamamahayag o myembro ng media. Ang dapat maging papel ng kongreso ay tiyakin na ang mga journalist at malayang nagagawa ang kanilang mga trabaho, ang kanilang pag-uulat, ang kanilang pagbusisi sa nangyayari sa ating lipunan nang walang pagkitil sa kanilang karapatan at hindi sinisiil ang kaniyang karapatan at kalayaan na mag-ulat.”
-Carlos Zarate, Bayan Muna Representative on the role of Congress and Media, July 6, 2020, ABS-CBN News
“Trolls say congressmen supporting renewal of the ABS-CBN franchise don’t know much about media either. True, but they know enough to know the issue is free expression; and the ignorance of both sides means the franchise power should be removed from gov’t.”
-Luis V. Teodoro, former UP Dean of Mass Communications and Business World columnist tweeting July 7, 2020
“The enactment of the Terror Bill is like giving a gun to a schoolyard bully”.
-Detained Sen. Leila de Lima, dispatched from Crame No. 838
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“Duterte seals his political doom by signing law of state terrorism!”
-Prof. Jose Ma. Sison, July 4, 2020
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“Please support the climate activists in the Philippines. #JunkTerrorLaw@YACAP Philippines.”
-Greta Thunberg, internationally renowned environment activist, July 5, 2020
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“When injustice becomes law, resistance becomes a duty. Junk Terror Law.”
-slogan from a protester denouncing the Terror Law
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“It is the right of the people to be informed, and much to be assured, that the President they elected is the one leading the country at all times and is physically and mentally competent to do so.”
-SC Associate Justice Marvic Leonen reminding Duterte what a president should be July 8, 2020
“Some will say kinakailangan nating sayawan ang Covid19. Kasi sa Pilipino, when you have to live with something, sayawan mo na lang. Yan po ang gagawin natin. Sasayawan natin.We have to deal with Covid19, we have to resume our economy, and at the same time protect our people.”
-Presidential Spokesperson Harry Roque making light of Covid-19 crisis in the Philippines, July 7, 2020, ABS-CBN News
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“It’s painful to watch the government be the cause of so much suffering and hardship for thousands of ordinary, working Filipinos.”
-Sen. Sonny Angara tweeting on June 30, 2020
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“Sa mga groceries in Riyadh, ‘yung mga dinedeliver na pagkain, kapag nireject ng grocery stores, ‘yun ang pinag-aagawan ng mga kasamahan natin,” he said.
-DOLE Secretary Silvestre Bello III misses the point in dismissing reports that some overseas Filipino workers in Saudi Arabia waiting for repatriation have turned to scavenging for food abroad and are instead eating rejected food. June 26, 2020, PDI
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